April 11th, 2011

Dear Diary,
Kiyo here. I guess since it's my first entry I should describe myself huh? I'm 19, graduated high school in '09. I work two jobs and live with my father. My mother lives across the country. She has what you would call a gypsy-like spirit. She doesn't like to stay in one area for a long time. She likes to travel, experience life. A lot of people think that means that she's not a good mother, that she's not there for my older sister and I, but that's not true. My mother and I have a strong bond. She is always there when I need or want to talk to her, and she always gives me advice that help guide me.
I'm hoping to save up enough money to go visit her towards the end of the summer. It's just very hard since I have so much to save up for already. School, car, health insurance (it's illegal not to have health insurance where I live), car insurance, ect. ect. I'm not like other young adults, I don't get the luxury of mommy and daddy buying everything for me. But people keep telling me that helps make me a stronger person.
But that's not why I'm writing here tonight. You see, I have a boyfriend, and we've been having some problems. His job takes up a lot of his time, and he's gone the first two weekends of every month. Well, kind of. He gets to come home late on Saturday nights, then go back to work really early Sunday morning. So this past Saturday he picked me up to go grab some take out for dinner. As I was waiting in the car I was playing around on his phone. He has this really fancy touch screen phone and some really cool games and internet on it. So when I get bored I play with it. I was browsing around on the internet and somehow I manage to get the recent pages screen to pop up. And seeing that nearly shattered me.
It was all links to craiglist. Of looking at advertisements of single women AND men. I literally could not stop shaking. It to everything in me not to cry in front of him. Later on that night I confronted him about it. At first he denied it, but eventually he cracked and admitted it was true. But he swears to God he wasn't trying to get in touch with any of them or meet up with any of them. He said the pictures and their stories turn him on in a way that porn can't. I really don't know what to believe but he seems sincere.
But then today I find out that he unblocked his psycho ex girlfriend on facebook. And I don't say that she's a psycho just to be mean, I mean she hacks into his email and such, pretends to be him, or hacks into my stuff and pretends to be me and starts fights between us. So then why would he unblock her? I asked him what the hell was up and he swears he didn't do it. And he wouldn't budge on what he said this time. I don't know. I keep getting hurt by this guy. I'm not sure how much longer I can handle this....